I don’t wanna go to sleep away camp

In BDSM, Family, Personal, Sex by tatsumi

There are gonna be bugs and mice and bugs and racoons and bugs and no air-conditioning or heaters or room service or replacement towels or fresh linens or any of that hotel stuff. At least we’ll be in a cabin with cots, running water and screens on the windows instead of in tents.

I hear there they primarily serve eggs for breakfast. I don’t eat eggs. Actually, the smell of scrambled eggs, poached eggs, eggs overeasy and most omlettes make me quite nausious. But I’m told there is cereal available and the smell won’t be too bad as long as I am downwind of the kitchen. Plus I can probably bring milk-n-cereal bars or something like that if I need to stay out of the mess hall in the mornings.

Of course, that’s where the coffee will be and I don’t think I can go an entire week without coffee. Hmmm… I could probably bribe someone to bring me coffee. I wonder what I could offer them… (evil grin)

I won’t be able to see my Daddy or my Sister for almost a whole week! And I’ll be with a lot of new people in a somewhat different subculture which is both really scary and kinda intriguing.

I’m hoping to work the event since I can’t afford to go otherwise so it’ll be yet another event where I wind up missing most of the panels and classes. But volunteering is a great way for me to meet new people in a low personal-risk environment.

All that aside, the main reason I dont wanna go to sleep away camp is that I am afraid I will have a breakdown while I’m there and then my world will come to a screaching halt. Now, will the planet really stop spinning on its axis if I have a meltdown? No. I know that. But it doesn’t help the screaming 5 year old in my head. She is convinced we’re going to cause a scene (in a bad way) and embarrass ourselves or do something so horrible that she hasn’t thought of it yet.

Guh, being scared sucks. Pouting and whining suck too. I wanna just ignore all that crap above and go blazing head-first into camp and simply force myself to have a good time by sheer willfullness but that course of action has failed before and given how much time I’ll have to think at camp, it is likely that it will fail again.

I want to go. I just don’t want to be scared of going. Comments would be welcome.